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I'm sorry that you're stressing about the stuff with Kat. I would too, in your position, believe me. If you think it would be better for you to know it all, I would just call her. Sure it will be weird at first but you'll get your questions answered. She's got no reason to hide anything from you anymore. I had to do something like this once, and it's kind of like taking off a band-aid, it hurts like hell in the moment but then you can start getting over it. I'll help any way I can.
It's pretty damned cool that you are an officer in the High Command. You seem to really enjoy it, and it looks as though you need something like that to take your mind off some other bullshit.
Good luck, I'll help you any way you need me to.
Lexy
It used to make me so mad when you would talk about how it was your fault that the relationship between you and Kat went south. How you did this and that to her and how great she was. I wanted to scream when I heard things like that. I just thought that she had you so convinced it was your fault that you couldn't see it another way. I never thought you didn't know. I'm sorry love.
So, sit back, relax, pop open a beer, watch some strange television show (I would recomment Monty Python but I am unsure if that floats your boat or not) kill some aliens or destroy the red baron online but know-wait, UNDERSTAND, that whatever doesn't kill you only makes you stronger and that some yuppie slutty bitch that did something nasty to you is no longer holding sway to your person.
Be EXTREMELY happy with the life you currently have and with your dearest Zan.